Parents refuse to let 23-year-old son to move out of the house because he takes care of his 15 and 16-year-old siblings: 'Who's gonna drive Jake to chess?'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 30, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Parentification is not a good idea. If you're unfamiliar with the term, it means treating your older children like parents to your younger children. You basically expect them to raise them, well before they've reached adulthood. It's an unfortunately common practice, especially in big families. It forces the older siblings to grow up far too fast and makes them into adults well before they need or deserve to be. It's one thing to pick up a few chores and babysit your siblings here and there. That's a natural expectation, and you might even enjoy the extra time with your siblings. But when it becomes an expectation that interferes with your ability to carry out your own life, then it's a huge issue. 

That doesn't stop some parents from squeezing everything they can out of their children. They see an opportunity to offload some of their responsibility, and they take it. But what about when that eldest child becomes an adult and is ready to move out? You have to let go at some point, right?

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  • A group of three young brothers pose together.
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Those are the questions that came up in this story where an older sibling was expected to take on the brunt of the childcare for his teenage siblings, and it didn't stop once he came of legal age. Read on to see what happened and what advice commenters had for the young adult in this situation. 

  • AITA for "threatening" to move out?

    Bit of background info: Parents have 3 bio kids and 1 foster kid, but he came to us not very long after he was born (probably less than a month I believe? And before anyone starts questioning that, his mother is seen as an unfit parent and had to give up all her children
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • before and after him as well, bio father is unknown). I'm the oldest son, have an older and a younger sister. Oldest sister has moved out. Little Sister Katie is 16, foster brother Jake is 15. I'm 23, finished Uni a little less than a year ago and live at home still.
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • The reason for that is relevant. My parents house is old. Very very old, in the sense that if you want to renovate it's a pain in the ass because everything has been renovated a million times already. Heating works via an oven you throw wood into. Want hot water or it to not be ice cold? Start a fire, wait an hour, it'll start heating up slowly. Not as big of a deal in
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • summer, but annoying in winter. Another thing; I have a dog that is fully mine. Has been my responsibility since I was a teen. I'm not gonna go into detail because that's probably boring to most, but I feed her raw food as well as my parents dog. My parents are not interested in learning anything about it, their dog doesn't know anything but raw, and they don't ever want to switch that.
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • My younger siblings don't know how the oven works (= refuse to learn regardless of how often they're shown) and also refuse taking care of anything animal related. My parents both still work, bus connections are shit so at least once a week I'm driving both my siblings somewhere.
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • Now they're both on school break (fall break) and my brother plays video games late into the night. No issue, he wears a headset. Only he yells. I don't know about you but I don't wanna be woken up by yelling over Fortnite at 2AM when I have to get up at 6AM for work. I tell him, he stops for a day, it starts again. It's like that every break. My parents say I need to be understanding because he has adhd. I'm not a doctor but that doesn't make you yell in the middle of the night, does it?
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • Now in the past I'd just ignore it. But I have savings, I could move out, move away, and enjoy my freedom. My parents don't want that because "Oh but Katie gets cold when we're working in the morning" or "Who's gonna drive Jake to Chess?" and "Who's gonna feed Bello?".
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • I told them either they get him to shut up at night or they can deal with it themselves and I'll move out. My mom claims I'm threatening them with that. I don't think that's a threat, but a boundary. I wanna sleep.
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • In part I can understand why it's upsetting, they'd have to change their work schedules and my dad would have to do all the physical work around the house himself (Jake does not help). I don't wanna be some ungrateful son who treats his parents like dirt, but I'm so annoyed with being woken up.
    via u/Status-Watch3946
  • 20
    via Unsplash+ (Lia Bekyan)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their two cents.

    Tak1335 5h ago • Don't threaten to move out. Move out. It's time.
    via u/Tak1335
  • 3dgemaster ⚫5h ago NTA Time to move on, your parents will have to figure it out. And they will. The reason they haven't is because they never had to, you were always there. It'll also be good for your siblings, they need to start practicing some
    via u/3dgemaster
  • independence. You'd be doing everyone in that house a favor. Sooner or later you will burn out and leave regardless. Except when that happens it'll be that much more difficult to salvage any relationships.
    via u/3dgemaster
  • General-Toe-8686 5h ago NTA. Your request is VERY reasonable. Also, if your fister brother "can't "stop yelling at his game, then he can not play it at night. Other people's sleep is more important than his recreation.
    via u/General-Toe-8686
  • Mullein55 5h ago NTA. You are 23 years old and can afford to move out so do so. It's time. Other folk will have to step up.
    via u/Mullein55
  • Spiritual-Bridge3027 5h ago Sleep deprivation is literally a torture and you are absolutely NTA for wanting to sleep well, especially when you have to wake up early to go to work. Your brother is not a toddler. ADHD or not, he needs to behave better.
    via u/Spiritual-Bridge3027
  • HOWEVER, don't just threaten to move out. Start saving, have more than an emergency fund ready and actually move out. Your family will get its act together
    via u/Spiritual-Bridge3027
  • 9tails1969. 4h ago Well ain't you just the parentified older brother. Move out, take your dog, don't threaten just do it. Think of all those instant hot showers you're currently missing out on, let alone an unbroken night's sleep.
    via u/9tails1969
  • Hexas87 5h ago • NTA. Stop threatening to move out and just do it ASAP.
    via u/Hexas87
  • Rich-Pirate-4745 5h ago . Move out anyway. Go start your life and embrace the freedom, I bet you'll love it. There are two capable young people in that house to help out. It doesn't matter if they don't want to, they're going to have to learn at some point
    via u/Rich-Pirate-4745
  • unless you're planning on taking care of them forever. Transportation issues aren't your problem to solve, dog care isn't your problem to solve. Maybe it'll motivate your parents to solve their own problems.
    via u/Rich-Pirate-4745
  • swillshop 4h ago NTA Your parents just told you exactly why you need to move out. They expect you to stay there and do all the things they don't want to do... FOREVER.
    via u/swillshop
  • If you want to have a life of your own, you will have to leave. And when that time comes, they will have to figure out how to solve their own problems. They would like that day to come.... never. You would like that day to come... now.
    via u/swillshop
  • They are going to be unhappy whenever you go. They are going to be inconvenienced and troubled to figure things out whenever you go. The younger siblings are not so young that they can't figure out the same things that you figured out when you were about their ages.
    via u/swillshop
  • Tell your family, "No threats. It's time for me to build my life. I know you don't want to have to figure out how to live without me here, but it's something you have to do. I love you,"
    via u/swillshop
  • kurokomainu • 4h ago NTA I'd plan to move out anyway, but I'd tell your parents that they had better get him to shut up, because you promise that each and every time he wakes you up you'll be making sure they are completely woken up too. Every. Single. Time.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • Tell them the only reason they refuse to take it seriously is because they aren't the ones suffering from sleep deprivation. From now on until the problem stops, or you leave, this going to be a fully shared problem.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • 1962Michael • 4h ago NTA. Jake may have trouble keeping himself from yelling when he gets excited playing Fortnite. But he doesn't have to play Fortnite past 10 pm when people have to work in the morning, even if he is on break.
    via u/1962Michael
  • I understand this is a temporary frustration, but you do need to think about a long term solution. Your parents and the house are only getting older. If Katie or Jake is ever going to "step up" they need to do it soon, and they aren't going to do it while you are there.
    via u/1962Michael
  • So, either you move out in the next 6 months or so, or you plan on taking care of your parents for the rest of your life.
    via u/1962Michael

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childcare Babies teens aita kids house teenagers moms parenting dad cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail foster child parents children Parenting FAILS moving out
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